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It All Became Real

I had been planning this excursion for a year, and at moments, it was the inspiration I needed to propel me through the woes of daily life. At other moments, it was a chore. As I have said in previous entries, an event like this requires a lot of research and detailed planning. The trip swallowed my life, and in the final few weeks, it had become the main subject of conversation. Any conversation. Believe me, there are only so many times I could answer "Are you excited for your trip?" With enthusiasm. It became one of those things I would talk about to pass the time, like the weather, or a fluff piece in the news. As I reflect on it now, I come to think that it happened this way because it was a broken record of an idea. It was not yet an action or a plan, but an idea. Sept11Ontheplane.JPG

I carried this attitude with me, and everything seemed normal. These moments did not seem like their last, but each moment in between these was a blank space on a canvas that I filled with the securing of plans, the revising of details, the organizing of things to pack, and so on. These nuisances were necessary to give life to this idea.

But it only became real when I was hugging my best friend goodbye. This was my parting from the friend I spent nearly every day with, and in recent days, wondering if this would be the last time I saw him until I returned. Last night was that night. 

As I held him close, tears welled in my eyes and released the truth I had been denying in every last family dinner, and every last gathering of friends: I am going to be gone for a while, and in that time, I am going to miss out on the lives of my loved ones, and Halloween, and Thanksgiving, and Black Friday, and the rest of the hyper-capitalized pre-Christmas season, and I am going to learn new things, and I am going to grow, and expand my horizons, and do things I never thought I would be capable of.

But we shared a few teary eyed jokes, and it was bittersweet. 

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